One of the best things about a relationship is that you develop your own little world. You learn each other’s signals. You partner up to face adversity. And, if you are lucky, you invent crazy little stories.

Hippopotamuses were one of those stories that Ailish and I shared.

I honestly have no idea how hippos came to hold a special significance for us, but I know they were well established within the first six months of our relationship.

Hippos had two major impacts in our imaginary world. First, they were what made you sleepy. By jumping on your head. And they sometimes peed on the floor.

No, really. It’s true. See, neither Ailish nor I would ever be clumsy enough to spill water on the floor. So how else could you explain it other than that the hippo did it? And how better to succeed at a Sunday afternoon nap than to invite a hippo to jump on your head? I mean, really, who wouldn’t be tired after such a commotion?

Pretty early on, we had a little stuffed toy hippo at my place, and one at Ailish’s. As we stayed together, our hippo collection multiplied. We watched the story of Jessica the Hippo with absolute amazement. When we visited the Calgary Zoo, we appreciated how dozy the hippopotamuses were because they are, after all, the source of all doziness.

By the time of her birthday this year, we had at least eight hippos around the house. I placed two of them in Ailish’s casket before she was cremated.

I’ve been going back and reading some of the very earliest emails that Ailish and I exchanged with each other, back in August, 2007, before we had even met.

One particular bit stood out. Ailish said,

“If a sense of self worth, good friends, a rewarding job, and a significant other are the keys to happiness, I have 3 out of 4 which ain’t bad.”

I was so incredibly happy to read that because I know on the day she died, she had all four. She had me, and she still had her wonderful friends and co-workers, and a job she loved.

Every so often, one of us would buy the other a card and leave it under their pillow. Or by the door, or near the coffee maker.

My favourite card is still on my bedside table. It says:

The most perfect place in the world…
… is anywhere with you.

Chris, I love you.
You’re my gondola.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

– Ailish

I previously wrote how much Ailish loved West Wing. I thought perhaps I would list some other shows that Ailish enjoyed.

Again, you have to realise how hard it was to get Ailish to sit still long enough to watch even an hour-long show without commercials. For every show on this list, there were probably five that I tried to convince her to watch, only to be met with scorn or general boredom.

Boston Legal — This is a rather silly show about high-priced lawyers taking outrageous cases. The show has two redeeming factors. First, the friendship that develops through the seasons between Alan Shore (played absolutely perfectly by James Spader) and Denny Crane (played with gusto by William Shatner) is absolutely beautiful and heartwarming. Second, the character of Jerry Espenson (played by Christian Clemenson). Jerry has such an amusing array of tics and hops, Ailish just fell about laughing. Ailish and I were half way through watching this show for a second time (something basically unheard of in Ailish’s world) when she died.

The Big Bang Theory — I suspect much of Ailish’s enjoyment of this show came from watching me break up laughing. Certainly, she found some of the characters to be tiresome. But I think everyone knows about Sheldon. Ailish adored Sheldon and his interactions with the other characters.

The Office — A staple of our Friday evenings. After we got home from date night, Ailish would make noodles (noodles!) and search for chips, and I would queue up The Office. I understand James Spader may be added to the regular cast list next season. It breaks my heart that Ailish won’t get to watch those episodes.

How I Met Your Mother — Less of a must-watch show, but a regular staple for us. All five main characters contribute meaningfully to the show, and the relationships are wonderful.

Top Gear (UK edition) — What? A show about cars? Really? Well, no. It’s not really about cars. You really have to watch it to understand.

These are not all the shows we watched. Nor would they necessarily be the shows Ailish would highlight if she was writing this list herself. Still, they are five shows that we watched and enjoyed regularly.

The vernal equinox marks the first day of spring. The summer solstice marks the first day of summer. That is what I would tell Ailish, but she never really believed me.

Spring was when there was no more snow on the ground. When you could sit outside on a Sunday morning and read the paper. Perhaps you wouldn’t be warm, but you wouldn’t have to dig a path through the snow to do so. Summer was when you could sit out on the patio at your local pub.

Ailish thought it was stupid to define the seasons by dubious astronomical events, particularly when there was quite obviously still snow on the ground. No amount of convincing would make her change her mind. She also thought I was a bit crazy for caring about the specific number of hours of daylight, and found it hard to feign interest when I would (continually) point it out to her. Ailish understood that meteorologists defined the seasons this way, she just did not believe their opinion really counted.

It’s rained for 32 of the past 42 days here in Edmonton. Google says it’s going to rain for the next five. Ailish, I don’t know what happened to summer.

Our house has three bedrooms (and one office). Ailish and I actually managed to use all three.

The master bedroom, of course, was the default. It had the best bed, an adjoining bathroom, clothes, etc.

And then, we had a spare bedroom upstairs. I pretty much never used this, but Ailish did. Ailish and I had very different views on how a person should get up in the morning. I thought you should get up once your alarm clock went off. Or, ideally, wake up just before it went off. Ailish thought of the alarm clock as a sort of suggestion. One to be ignored. Over and over and over again. So, within a week of moving in together, we came up with a different plan. Ailish would wake up to her alarm at 5 or 5:30 in the morning, and walk over to the spare bedroom, where she would proceed to snooze for the next hour or so. Hey, in marriage, you have to make compromises.

We also have a bedroom in the basement. It’s much cooler down there, ideal for the summer months. The major downfall, from Ailish’s point of view, are the spiders. Despite there being no other insects as far as I can see, spiders just love the basement. Ailish hated spiders.

So, every time we slept downstairs, Ailish demanded that I do a spider check. This started out as just checking the corners of the room. Then I had to check the lampshade. The headboard. Then Ailish added the bathroom. I drew the line when she started implying maybe I should just check the whole entire basement, just in case.

I’ve been sleeping in the basement recently. It’s cooler and also darker down there, so it’s slightly easier for me to sleep. Last night, I found two spiders.

Ailish’s wedding dress arrived a few weeks before the wedding. Having nowhere else to store it, she hung it up in my computer room.

I desperately did not want to see the dress before our wedding day. As a result, I spent the next few weeks being very careful to avoid looking in the corner of the computer room. I shielded my eyes when I entered, I stared fixedly at the screen whenever I was sitting down. I occasionally tripped over objects strewn on the floor as I exited, blind. It was all a bit silly.

Until our wedding day.

When Ailish walked in, I got my first look. All my hopes of making it through the ceremony with dry eyes ended immediately. I have never seen Ailish so beautiful as she was right then. The dress was absolutely perfect.

I’m pretty sure I told her that when she was up on stage with me. I’m also pretty sure that was our first kiss, to the amusement of the officiant as we had not yet started the ceremony. I didn’t care, I couldn’t wait to kiss Ailish, even if she wasn’t quite my wife yet.

Boys tend not to be too thrilled with flowers. So every so often, Ailish would bring home candy for me. She thought a complete meal should have meat, starch, and vegetables; I’d happily subsist on candy. I mean, a calorie is a calorie, right?

So every so often, Ailish would be home candy for me. Sometimes, she’d hide it under my pillow. Other times, she’d leave it by the coffee maker for me to discover in the morning. Sometimes, she’d buy it because I had had a hard day, but other times, it was just because she loved seeing me smile.

I would give Ailish roses from time to time, but it wasn’t the same. Roses aren’t nearly so tasty.

Sometimes, after a bad day at work, Ailish would come home all stressed out. She would be grumpy, hungry, and generally a little short-tempered.

I would play a game where I would see how long it would take to relax Ailish, to get her smiling again. Sometimes, it took a couple of hours, but that was pretty rare. More often, it took about half an hour. She’d change out of her work clothes (“put on comfy pants”), we’d sit and have some supper and watch t.v. Or maybe we’d go out for a walk, and I would hold her hand. I used to love watching the stress just drain out of her.

On days like today, I realise Ailish did the same for me.

Ailish and I got engaged on September 7th, 2009, in Montreal.

We had our first date in August, 2007. We bought a house together in August 2008 and decided to take a trip to Vancouver to celebrate and decompress. So it made sense to head out of town in the late summer of 2009, too. We decided to go to Montreal and Halifax.

What Ailish did not know is that I had decided early that summer to propose to her. I knew Ailish was special from actually before I even met her in person, but I had this whole plan. You have to date someone for at least a year before you move in. And you have to live with a person for at least a year before you get engaged. Well, living together had worked out really well. I mean, apart from the fence, but we swore never to talk about that. I’ve heard people ask how you know if you should get married. I don’t really know the answer to that question. To me, with Ailish, it was obvious. I was very much in love with her and I knew she was very much in love with me. We were partners. We could tackle anything the world threw at us. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Ailish.

So, I bought an engagement ring (after spending hours and hours and hours learning about different types of diamonds, different settings, styles of rings, trying to figure out Ailish’s ring size, etc.). I received Ailish’s parents’ blessing. And we were already planning a trip to Montreal and Halifax, so I figured what better opportunity?

I was so scared that I would lose the ring. I refused to put it in my checked baggage. I refused to leave it in the hotel room. I carried it around with me as we saw the sights in Montreal. And let me tell you, an engagement ring in a box is rather bulky. I figured I would probably propose either on Sunday, September 6th, or Monday, September 7th. We were leaving to Halifax on the 8th and I figured Montreal was probably more romantic.

So, the Sunday was a pretty good day. I mean, we had a great time wondering around Montreal, seeing the sights. But “pretty good” was not really what I was going for. I wanted to propose in our hotel room, in private, and when we returned to the hotel room, Ailish had received some emergency emails from work which stressed her out. So, Sunday was out and now I was down to one day. I mean, sure, I could have proposed in Halifax, but who knew Halifax would be so awesome?

Monday, September 7th, 2009. The most clear memory I have from that day is finding a little courtyard, sheltered from the street but open to the sky. We sat there for several hours, eating and drinking some beers, chatting and just enjoying life. It was just beautiful.

When we returned to the hotel room, I asked Ailish how she had enjoyed her day. When she responded, “Today was just the perfect day,” I knew my time had come. Ailish was on the bed, and I was on my knees on the floor. I remember telling her how happy I was that she had said that, because I had been waiting for the perfect day. I remember telling her how happy she made me. I remember telling her how I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And I asked her to marry me.

Ailish’s response was, “Are you serious?!?” I started to assure her that I was, that in fact I had an engagement ring, and before I was even able to get the little box open, Ailish had said yes. When she saw the ring, her eyes sparkled.

That evening, we celebrated by participating in a pub quiz, though I’m not convinced we stayed for the whole game. We then spent the next ten months calling each other ‘fiance’ and ‘fiancee’. :)

My wedding day was amazing and awesome and full of love, kisses, family, friends, and beer. But September 7th, 2009 was the day I knew that the love of my life was going to marry me.