Today, Ailish was scheduled to write the CMA Entrance Exam.

Last year, she decided that she really needed more education to progress at the City of Edmonton. She had advanced quickly through the ranks there, but her Bachelor of Commerce degree would only take her so far. Ailish loved the whole strategic management part of her job, so the CMA seemed like a good fit.

It didn’t matter that she already had a busy life. It didn’t matter that she worked long hours, that she often went out for dinner with friends, that she preferred sleeping in on weekends. CMA was for her.

So began an eight month prerequisites course. Classes all day on Saturday, weekly quizzes, regular assignments and exams. And somehow, she was able to fit it in without compromising the rest of her life. Friday night dates were still on.

Ailish finished the prerequisite course earlier this year and did well on the final exam. She was attending weekly entrance exam prep classes to get ready for today. I have absolutely no doubt that she’d have done well on the entrance exam as well, and then there would have been two more years of classes, quizzes, assignments, and exams before she would have become a Certified Management Accountant.

When she set her mind to a task, she wouldn’t let anything stop her. It didn’t matter if it was the CMA program. Or running a half marathon. Or moving in with me. Whatever. Ailish made me so proud.

I never totally figured Ailish out. I didn’t expect that another forty years would help, and this was a continual source of joy for me.

Growing up in a small town, I learnt that dates, at least dates that do not involve going out for food, typically involve watching movies. Sometimes in a movie theatre, but more generally just watching a movie in your basement. I’ve watched a lot of movies. Heck, I’ve watched one movie more than 150 times. So it came as quite a surprise to discover that Ailish really did not enjoy movies. She found it hard to really care about the plot once we passed the half hour mark. Sometimes she didn’t even make it that far.

So, movies were out. But, I knew Ailish was fascinated by politics. As all sensible people know, West Wing is one of the greatest television series ever aired. Or, well, the first few seasons anyway. I figured it was worth a shot, and introduced her to the show fairly early in our relationship.

Ailish loved it. I figured, with seven seasons, this should last us quite some time but then, I didn’t figure on Ailish. Here was a girl who groaned whenever I suggested watching a movie more than 100 minutes long, and she just ate West Wing up. She’d demand that we watch episode after episode, back to back. In one weekend, we’d sometimes get through ten or more episodes. We would talk about the show when we weren’t watching it. She’d demand that friends (Jordan Lien!) buy the whole seven seasons immediately.

West Wing lasted us only about six months. Every television show afterwards was judged against it, and never favourably. The grand events in a relationship are, of course, memorable and important, but the joy comes from the little things, the days just hanging out, doing fun things and enjoying each other’s company.

Yesterday, I drove to Jasper and hiked Sulphur Skyline, a 7.5 Km hike with plenty of vertical. It’s a lot of driving for just a couple of hours of hiking, but as the hike is right by Miette, there’s hotsprings at the end.

I think probably Ailish and my third date was to the mountains for some hiking. We hiked up Whistlers Mountain, a trail that’s about 7 Km one way but with 1.25 Km of vertical. Pretty punishing, though you get to ride the gondola down. This date convinced Ailish that I was far fitter than she was. In truth, I had about 3% more energy left at the end, I was just able to take advantage of the breaks she called to catch my breath.

I had also taken up backpacking prior to meeting Ailish. That’s a somewhat crazy activity where you strap a 40 lb backpack to your back and walk into the backcountry. I liked it for the peace and quiet, as well as the physical challenge. Ailish, bless her heart, decided she had to see what this backpacking thing was all about and occasionally volunteered to come with me.

The problem was, Ailish was a rain god. Every single time we went backpacking, it rained. Generally, the rain would start 30 minutes before we started walking and end 30 minutes after we finished. I mean, the forecast could be for clear, sunny weather but if Ailish came along, she’d call the rain. One time, it actually started thundering before we could get the tent up. It’s actually quite scary being in a forest, on high ground, with thunder all around you.

One time, Chad and Ailish and I were hiking Jacques Lake, near Jasper. Not only did it rain for all 24 hours we were on the trail, but it was also quite cold. I remember after we set up our tents, there really wasn’t much to do other than to get into our sleeping bags. We were cold and tired and damp and it hadn’t been a very good day.

I had my iPod with me, so Ailish and I watched a science documentary called Connections. At one point, James Burke, the narrator, tells his audience to look around. How much of the technology surrounding us do we understand? We laughed and laughed. Sure, the iPod was technological, but nothing else around us was. Heck, there was nothing but trees for 13 Km. The fifty or so log bridges we had passed on our way in were the most cutting edge technology we had seen for hours.

Ailish never understood why I went backpacking. To her, it was a cold, damp, somewhat tiresome activity that had remarkably little beer. But she kept on trying. She kept on hoping maybe next time it wouldn’t rain, and she could figure out why I enjoyed it.

Here’s the story of a perfect Saturday. Or, occasionally, a Sunday.

Ailish and I would wake up far too early, and this was entirely my fault. You see, I find it really hard to sleep in, now that I’m all old. We’d go downstairs, pick up the paper, find the most recent Economist, grab a cup of coffee, and sit outside and read. We’d share interesting articles, chat about the world, but mostly just quietly enjoy each other’s company.

After a while, it was time for bacon. Actually, a whole meal; bacon, poached eggs, toast, some juice, more coffee, a bit of cheese, and salsa or ketchup, depending on who was eating. Ailish handled the bacon, I handled the eggs and the coffee. I set the table, but I’d always forget things.

We always ate the meal at the kitchen table, but afterwards, retreated to the living room for some t.v. Law and Order? Boston Legal? Some sort of BBC nature documentary? Whatever.

Then, nap time! Because any successful weekend has to involve a nap, don’t you know? I was never very good at naps. See, according to Ailish, an ideal nap had to happen on a weekend and ideally had to last for two hours. I occasionally made it to an hour, but more often, only managed 45 minutes or so, much to Ailish’s consternation. I tended to fill up the extra time with computer games, though I’d sometimes sneak back into the bed for more napping, and Ailish would always give me a dozy smile.

Post-nap, it was probably time for a board game. Settlers of Catan, ideally, though sometimes I could convince Ailish to play Small World, sometimes she could convince me to play Scrabble. Or maybe Bananagrams. We would play a few games, then perhaps, if the weather was good, go for a walk. Our neighbourhood has a number of lakes (actually, storm-water runoff ponds, but hey). Sometimes we’d see the ducks. Sometimes we’d listen to kids playing on the street. Sometimes we’d sit on a bench and talk about life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And sometimes I would hold her hand and she would beam.

For the record, the nose beeping game and the squishy nose game are two entirely independent games that Ailish and I used to play.

The squishy nose game involved squishing our noses together as hard as we could, and then Ailish would announce that she had won. Occasionally, I’d try to claim I had won, but Ailish would give me a sad sort of look that said, “Look, Chris, you just don’t understand this game.”

The nose beeping game was slightly more fair, in that I at least had a chance of winning. I would touch Ailish’s nose and she would say, “honk.” She would touch my nose and I would say, “beep.” Most of the time, it was just a check to see if the other person was paying attention. But sometimes, we’d get a bit competitive and alternate nose beeping as quickly as we could, Ailish honking and me beeping. It’s surprisingly difficult. You have to pay attention to make sure you are saying the correct phrase while your partner is responding with the corresponding phrase. Inevitably, one person will eventually screw up, at which point we would fall over laughing.

They were both very silly games, and we enjoyed them immensely.

Today is four weeks since Ailish died. I wanted to write an article today on what I particularly appreciated from my time with Ailish, but it’s been a really rough week for me and so I’m not up to writing that article yet.

Instead, I’m going to link to some songs that were meaningful to us.

This played during our first dance at the wedding.

Eric Clapton – Wonderful Tonight
This played during our second dance.

Linkin Park – Shadow of the Day
This song played at Ailish’s funeral in Edmonton as the family entered the chapel.

A piano version of the famous song from the Titanic, without Celine Dion’s warbling. Ailish used to play the first few bars of this whenever she visited her parents in Medicine Hat. This was the middle song played at Ailish’s funeral, and the song Ailish’s parents, Michael and Dominica used in Medicine Hat after their tribute.

For her birthday on April 13, 2011, I bought Ailish two tickets to see Death Cab for Cutie (along with the video game, You Don’t Know Jack). Her eyes lit up when she saw them, and I was so happy. This song is from their new album. This was the last song played at Ailish’s funeral in Edmonton, and the song I chose after my tribute in Medicine Hat.

Ailish loved this sort of music. She constantly demanded that we host a dance party on Friday nights, after date night and noodle consumption. Brian chose this to follow his tribute as it reminded him of Ailish’s visits to Medicine Hat and the funny dancing she would do. She would very much have approved.

Iris is one of the most beautiful songs. Ailish’s sister, Siobhan, chose this song to follow her tribute in Medicine Hat. Ailish had given her Big Shiny Tunes 3 to introduce Siobhan to modern music.

Every so often, I’d get an email or a text message from Ailish. It would go something like this:

“I ate some yogurt. It expired yesterday. Make sure you tell the doctor if I get sick!”

I never quite figured out why Ailish would occasionally eat food that had expired. Did she only realise after she finished eating it? Probably not; she thought my concern about expiry dates was a bit excessive. I tend to throw out milk a day or two before its best-before date, while she thought of the date as more a sort of marketing suggestion.

Today, I ate some shepherd’s pie that expired on April 29th. I had kept it in the deep freeze and only put it back in the fridge on Sunday.

This is the story of our first date, and how I almost screwed it up.

Ailish and I found each other through eHarmony. Neither of us had met up with anyone from eHarmony before.

Our first date was essentially blind. We had been exchanging emails back and forth for a little over a week, and had shared pictures of each other. But first dates are tough at the best of times, and blind first dates are particularly scary. So, Ailish and I had discussed some ground rules.

I would pay for the date. Though I generally think dates should be ‘dutch‘, I think the first date is an exception. We would be meeting up for dinner and desert, but nothing more than that. Once the meal was over, we’d go our separate ways. We’d not discuss the possibility of a second date, no matter how well the evening went. Instead, we would wait, and talk over email. No pressure, no awkward conversation at the end of the night.

At least, that’s how I remember it. Ailish insists we never had that conversation.

So, we met up at Matahari, just off of Jasper Avenue in Edmonton. Ailish had just said goodbye to her brother, Brian, who left on an exchange program to France, and I had just had my car broken into. It gave us something to talk about, at least. Actually, we didn’t stop talking. The date went extremely well, certainly the best first date I had ever had. A fascinating, intelligent woman, easy conversation, and she even liked Thai food and fried bananas.

Eventually, we had finished our desserts and I had paid the bill. But we were still talking. We were getting looks of impatience from our waitress, and eventually received a polite suggestion that we move along to make room for other patrons. So we did, but our conversation continued.

Right until we got outside. At which point, well, we were done. The evening was over. No going out for coffee. No discussions of a second date. No. We had discussed this, and agreed. So, I thanked Ailish for the date, and said goodbye.

But… well… only one of us thought that was how the evening was going to end. So, here’s me, thinking the date had been really successful; I definitely wanted a second date. And here’s Ailish, very confused, wondering if perhaps I was just being polite, right until the end where I abruptly stormed off, pretty much in the middle of the date, with no indication that I ever wanted to talk to her again.

The look of hurt and confusion on Ailish’s face finally clicked about half way home. I had monumentally screwed up.

Dating “rules” say you should wait two days to call after a first date. Or is it three? I waited twenty minutes. As soon as I arrived home, I wrote an email apologising, and thanking her for a wonderful evening. Even though we had agreed that the date would end when we were done at Matahari, perhaps I should have invited her for coffee anyway. And I definitely wanted a second date, if she’d oblige.

Ailish took a scenic route home so by the time she checked her email, my message was waiting for her. She quickly agreed to a second date.

Three years later, I discovered she didn’t actually like the fried bananas, she was just being polite. She always claimed we never had any arrangement for our first date, and I had just invented the whole thing. She did keep on agreeing to more dates, though, even after we moved in together. Even after we were married. They were always the highlight of my week.